Hey, mister, where you headed? Are you in a hurry? Need a lift to happy hour? Say, "Oh, no" Do you break for distilled spirits? I need a break as well The well that inebriates the guilt One, two, one, two, three, four Cold turkey's getting stale Tonight, I'm eating crow Fermented salmonella, poison oak, no There's a drought at the fountain of youth, and I'm dehydrated My tongue is swellin' up, I say "One, two, one, two, three, four" Troubled times, you know I cannot lie I'm off the wagon, and I'm hitchin' a ride There's a drought at the fountain of youth, and I'm dehydrated My tongue is swellin' up, I said "Shit!" Troubled times, you know I cannot lie I'm off the wagon, and I'm hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride (Don't know where to go) hitchin' a ride Say birthday boys, hey