The fountain was off This is the first time I've been back to the city in months I'm trying to hold it together But irony's found cracks in the foundation And you know I try so hard to be some great white hope But I can't shake the feeling that tonight I'm gonna end up shaking in bed alone I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid (I had to take my own advice and I did) Now I'm waiting for it to sink in Expect me standing tall, back against the wall 'Cause what I learned was It's not about forcing happiness It's about not letting the sadness win I don't have roses in the closet But I've got pictures in a drawer It's everything left in me Not to stare at them anymore I walked upstairs and shaved my beard I felt like I was holding sadness here (I was holding sadness here) I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid (I had to take my own advice and I did) And I'm waiting for it to sink in Expect me standing tall, back against the wall 'Cause what I learned was It's not about forcing happiness It's about not letting the sadness win I don't have roses in the closet But I've got pictures in a drawer It's everything left in me Not to stare at them anymore I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid) I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid)