Jesus stole my baby Jesus stole my girl He took her away for an hour every Sunday And cut all of her beautiful curls She was always easy seven days of the week Now she's a bore, I've seen it before She thinks it gives her some kind of mystique Said that she just wants to save me Said you can't go on the way that you are She chased all my friends, hurts my brain 'til it bends Hides my cigarettes and steals my guitar And it's a long time since she was mine Pretending I am fine Another simple boy on the telephone line And though she is living here with me I'm aching to be free She takes it all so goddamn seriously Well, I've always been in love with her treasure But she might as well be locked up in chains When I ask, she says, "No, I'm feeling so low I'm bursting from my feet to my brains" Now if I could only talk to this Jesus I'd tell him just how lonely I've been I'd ask him to send home my baby again So she can see what kinda state I've been in Jesus stole my baby And maybe I should steal His She used to be mine Now she's so dull and divine May not be nice, but that's the way that it is I'm lost here among the clowns Jesus men in gowns All sandals and out of tune guitars And she talks in terrified tones Of skeleton bones Screaming through a mangled microphone And it's a long time since she was mine Pretending I am fine Another simple boy on the telephone line And though she is living here with me I'm aching to be free She takes it all so goddamn seriously