Taking My Ball Eminem

Yo, Dre, man
Make my vocals sound sexy, woo
Come on, man, come on, man, okay

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me

But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm takin' my ball and goin' home, home

I'm that guy, man, shove a diamond up my hind end
And crush it with my butt muscles while I cut vocals
Slut poke holes in ya shirt, jump in mud puddles
While I stomp mudholes in ya ass, girl, now let's cuddle

Blood curdlin', you're gurglin' on your blood, what'll
I do for my next trick? I'm feelin' wonderful
I think I might just do somethin' a little less subtle
Shove a fuckin' Tonka truck up a little kid's butthole

Feel the wrath of a psychopath slash ambassador
Of the Valentine's Day Massacre slash assassin
I slash her in the ass with an icicle
And leave her layin' in a bloodbath while I

Put a catheter in and jump in the bath with her
In my Spider-Man mask, man, just imagine the
Fun I can have with a strap-on
Stick it up Kim Kardashian's ass and make the bitch run a triathlon

Are those pistachios? Damn, I'd like to have some
Layin' on the patio, man, rollin' a fat one
Shady, drop the magic marker, put the cap on
Goddamn, man, are you that much of an asshole?

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me

But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm takin' my ball and goin' home, home

I'm like Houdini, tuck my teenie-eenie weenie between each
One of my thighs and make it disappear like a genie
Make the shit disappear like Tara Reid in a bikini

Believe me, homie, you don't know the meanin' of a meanie
They call me the fruit loop from Jupiter, I'm tryna maneuver the
Hoover up in your poop chute, don't move or ya
Might get it stuck so fuckin' far up in your uvula

You ain't gonna know what he was tryna do to ya gluteus (woo)
Totally tubular, sniffin' glue through a tube in the studio
Now who do ya think is more fruitier?
Wiener smothered in peanut butter, puttin' on a tube of ya

Eye shadow and man, it looked nice, you should've seen it, mother
I think I'll put a piece of art on my Visa card
Then I'll go beat Mischa Barton with a Cuisinart
Then mosey on over to Rosie O'Donnell's with McDonald's
Jump on her lap and watch The Sopranos

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me

But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm takin' my ball and goin' home, home

Shady, what are you doin' chewin' on a human?
Grab an aluminum bat, hit Heidi Klum in the back, boom, and
Assumin' the fact that that dude's in the back room
Usin' the bathroom, vacuumin' a raccoon

Skewin' a rat, a cat screwin' a baboon
You shouldn't ask what is he doin' with that broom
You should be glad he ain't leave you full of stab wounds
You in a trance, I'm back doin' my dance, ooh

But they're afraid I might get Sarah Palin by the hair
And make her wear a bathin' suit and take her parasailin'
Shady, why do you gotta pick on the lady for?
Why you make her read 84 bedtime stories to you in baby talk?

'Cause I'm scared, there's monsters under my bed
Kellie Pickler hid my juice box under my bassinet
No wonder my ass is wet, my diaper needs to be changed
You like graffiti, dyke? Well, I can pee-pee and write your name

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me

But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm takin' my ball and goin' home, home

Fine, nobody wants to play with me?
Fuck you then, bitch
You guys are always mean to me anyways
All you ever do is rub gum in my hair and stuff
You guys are gonna make me, make me sad, I'm sad
I'm gonna cry, I'm cryin'
I'm goin' to tell my mom, mom